I’ve posted the last couple days about how I am participating in Hannah Marcotti’s Spirits of Joy ecourse right now. Day three had the prompt to create a page in our journal to complete the sentence “I am…”. We were to look in catalogs and magazines or listen to songs for phrases and/or words that rang true to our heart to complete the sentence.
The last couple days have been about being brave and being vulnerable. Those are the words that are driving me and giving me some focus. I spent the morning looking through some magazines and catalogs and cut out a bunch of different words and phrases that kind of fit, but not totally. Not as well as brave and vulnerable do. I needed to leave for a lunch meeting so I put the project aside to dive back into later in the day.
In the afternoon I finished the cover page of my journal and created the color story page and started on the background of the I am page while my daughter created her own art next to me. It was fun to get to create with her next to me. We started outside in the sun and then the wind started to pick up and was blowing all our various pieces of paper everywhere so we moved in to the dining table. We colored and created and crumbled tissue paper. It was fun. I still wasn’t feeling drawing to any words other than brave and vulnerable. Finally I finished the background for the I am page and my daughter had moved on to playing a new game, so I started to cleaned up our creative chaos so I could join my daughter in her game. I’d given up on finding any words that resonated with me as much as Brave and Vulnerable do. It was time to move on.
As I was cleaning I picked up a Frontgate Holiday by Design catalog and was flipping through it looking at all the beautiful Christmas decorations and trees and rooms. Christmas is my favorite holiday season and the decorations in the Frontgate catalog are absolutely stunning. About two thirds of the way through the catalog I saw these words above a stunning photo of a Mark Roberts da Vinci Nativity scene: Wonderous Beauty. I sighed and smiled and felt an inner glow. Ah… there were my words.
I’d spent the day searching for those words, and then when I’d given up they came to me. This happens a lot for all of us I believe. We struggle searching for the right career, the right job, the right name for our child, the right jeans, the right blender. We look at all our options and we research and we compare and we ask opinions. We debate, we negotiate. We continue to search and all the while we are never really open to the “right” whatever entering our lives. I believe this is because of our own preconceived notions of what “right” is – we put limitations on what the right thing can be, we give it a timeline to come into our lives and then when it doesn’t meet that time line we settle for the mostly right thing.
Settling isn’t the end of the world. Most of us do every day to various degrees. This is okay. We need to remember though that our settling is a result of us setting our own limitations and not opening ourselves up to the multitude of possibilities out there, that can be ours. We have to be brave and vulnerable to be able to see the wonderous beauty waiting for us in the world.
I had limited myself today to only being brave and vulnerable. I settled. This is okay. Being brave and vulnerable are big things to be, great things to be. When I stopped though and freed my mind I was able to see that while I am both brave and vulnerable I am also wonderous beauty – that I have a wonderous beauty. This wonderous beauty, along with my bravery and vulnerability I can offer to you, to the world, to bring a little bit peace, a few sprinkles of sparkles and a dash of joy for all of us to breathe in.
I am wonderous beauty. Ahhhh, yes.