It’s the end of the semester for me, which means I spend the evenings holed up reading and writing academic papers and do the same for whole days on my husband’s weekend. Monday and Tuesday will be the last two days of being hidden away, deep in my academic ventures and then I will be able to focus on other things, like reconnecting with my family.
Connection is hard for me. Not because I don’t crave it, I do. Yet it’s so vulnerable, it can be terrifying. In the past I’d often use school or later work as an excuse not to connect with those close to me. I could easily dive into academic pursuits or my career and no one would notice that I was using them as a shield to keep people away. To keep my soul safe. In fact, people would often applaud how “dedicated” I was to my career, what a great employee I was and how my success was just proof of how hard work will get you far.
The hard work did get me far. It got me far away from feeling whole. It got me far away from the people I love. It got me far away from me.
It’s taken me a while to get to a place of understanding that connection can ebb and flow. Read more at http://gwynnraimondi.com/2012/12/10/ebb-and-flow/